Some salespeople refer to their customers as "friends." Not a few, but most of their customers. This has perplexed me for years. And, as a Detroit, MI sales coaching professional who has been in business on his own since 2015, I contemplated the idea of a friend in sales as we transitioned from Q1 to Q2 2024.
As Q2 began, two of my long-term fractional clients ended our relationship. I lost 2 clients. They both ended on positive notes. They ended due to a business decision. It had nothing to do with personal relationships or friendships. I reflected on a few ideas in the past few days (written in early April).
Fractional relationships for me are difficult to balance. A fractional client is leveraging my 30 years of experience and skills with my own company that has won a Gold Medal from Top Sales Awards. All that for a fraction of the cost of a full-time w2 employee, and with better deliverables. The goal is to solve a problem, or buy them time to grow. This is ideal.
Sometimes, the problem in a fractional relationship is that I see potential. I see it before the client does. The problem is I start to care more than the client. I believe in them more than they do. So, I dig in as is my nature. I tend to over deliver on my commitment. Client's love it, but don't value it. This is on me, not them.
Friendship
It goes beyond the definition of friend. According to Merriam-Webster, "a friend is someone who has a strong liking for another person. A friend trusts in another person, or who is not an enemy. A friend may also be someone who you enjoy being with, or who helps or supports someone."
My definition of friend is more stringent. And, as time passed it became even more stringent. So, entering my inner circle is difficult. Let me explain...
I lost my best friend on September 11th, 2001. I was not alone. Tragic for his family, and all the lives he touched. It took 10 years before I stopped dialing the phone to call him. He caused me to raise the bar for someone to earn the title of friend. In 2023, I lost another great friend. I still reach for the phone to share news or ask for advice from him.
These life events impact us in ways we don't realize in the moment. I share these personal matters because I know I am not alone. Loss of friends and family occurs each day. We all have our way of dealing with it. But, I also share because the loss of these relationships impact our behavior. If we let it.
So, my reflection on the recent events brought me to a stronger commitment to my idea of friendship. Respect is my goal. Noah Webster did not write the definition above. But, respect was a big thing in his day.
Respect must be part of a business relationship. Respect and trust. These two ideas are essential. They are both essential for friendship too.
The other idea that emerged from reflection was context. The context of a business relationship is different than a personal relationship. Think of the context as 2 different hats. One does not wear 2 hats at the same time. We can change hats from business to personal. It takes discipline and maturity. I have experienced this with clients.
The last idea that I came away with was standards. I have met some amazing people through my sales career. I have learned much from some. Spending time with many of them is fun. There are levels of friendship. The salespeople I referred to earlier may have a different standard of friendship. Different, not wrong.
In my experience these individuals have a higher need to be liked than I do. The need to be liked in sales is one of the six competencies of Sales DNA. The point is we all need to be part of a tribe and liked as humans. In a sales role, this need gets in the way of being successful. It becomes difficult to ask enough questions and tough questions in a sales call.
I considered that I might be wrong about all of this. Everyone should be friends. Not for me, we must respect everyone's right to their opinion; especially when we disagree.
Also, is my philosophy too guarded? I don't think so. I have friends! I am comfortable with having high standards for friends. If I am wrong, I am okay with it.
Here is the other thing that I want to share from this reflection, the people who I know are my friends - we don't agree on a lot. As a University of Michigan alum, I have an inordinate number of Ohio State fans in my friend group. The group is also diverse on thinking about economics, politics, and religious beliefs. I guess we focus on inclusion not diversity.
In the end, it is far more painful to lose a friend than a business relationship! A friend is nearly impossible to replace.
The call to action here is to give a friend a call this week. Why not today? But if you’re looking for sales help, give a Helix Sales Development call instead.
